(
Posting this in my blog first, because I don't really want to post anything in my LJ right now.
Maybe I should get a new journal. Whatever.
)
and he was a hurricane
The Social Network/Looking for Alaska
Pairing: Mark/EduardoRating: PG, illusions to death
Notes: Written because I wanted to. Listened to this mix while writing, gave me the inspiration to base this off the events in Looking for Alaska.
Disclaimers: The Social Network is a work by David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin, and Looking for Alaska is by John Green. I own nothing but the words used in this story, and the idea to morph these two amazing creation together.
You don’t like to be reminded of cold summer nights, the sticky air breezing through gaps between the window and the sills and cigarette smoke filling up the steamy air of the bathroom. You press your head to the surface of the glass pane, seeking comfort in chilly morning dew and early sunrise. The papers from your lawyers are left untouched, a mess on the coffee table in your spacious living room. The coffee maker stirs to life after you turn it on moments ago, the only sound in your empty apartment.
The space, the time, everything is a shade of who you used to be. They’re half hidden memories in the back of your brain, piling up like a slow flow of lava to the surface. Most days you don’t care who’s watching while you close your eyes, leaning against the sturdy back of your chair, willing the pain in your head to subside as you work in the glass office. You take a lot of pills now, your mother would be upset to know how many, but it helps you sleep. You sleep regularly now, four to five hours, from eleven to four, sometimes five. You function normally, or as normal you can be without anyone to mother you.
The normality of how your life turned out to be sometimes scares you. Of how you manage to get to be that without anyone’s help, really. Or the way now nobody cares whether or not you live your life.
You still think of him. In the lines of code you write, the corner fold in some books which used to belong to someone else, in the North Face jacket you bury beneath hoodies and suit jackets and everything in between. He was the reason for your strive for recognition, the driving force of his smiles and tight lipped grins which leads to the creation of something that both of you had only ever dreamed of. Sometimes you wish he was there, so you can pull him close, showing him what you’ve made, what he’d made you made.
Straight and fast, he had written in a corner of your lecture notes, which he had kept. The note was found slipped between the pages of a book, and you found it a month after he left when you cleaned his stuff from his room in Lowell. You lamented it over, opening up healing scars and forcing both Chris and Dustin to look back at the year before and the way you grieve so openly it scared them.
Now they visit you from time to time. They understand your need to immortalize a piece of him in this world and helped you create this. This thing was his, yours. But you can never love them like you love him.
That summer is gone, far behind you. And you’re no longer red eyed and staring at the ceiling at odd hours of the night. You don’t hide behind the thick walls, thinking that emotions are no longer necessary because he was no longer there to see them.
Yet you give a time just for him, just to feel him inside your mind, your heart. Thinking how lucky you were to have met him, even for a moment. To feel your chest breaking as you love, to be content with the warm gaze and equally warm hands. Analyzing the drastic change of who you were, before and after. You may not remember him as clearly now, but he was your hurricane.
You pull away from the chill of the window, and turn your head to face the sun. Another day comes, and goes.
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Labels: fanfic, looking for alaska, the social network
Thursday, January 3, 2013 9:06 PM back to top?