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Just leave me your stardust
189


there are words
and there are
words you repeat
and cannot say.
repeat until it
makes itself a place
in a nook of your brain.
and well,
you remember them
each night you stare
at the ceiling like it was sky.

numbers you recall,
blindly as of fact
but you turned
blind at those numbers.
you forget them
because they no longer
hold the words for you
the distant bridge now burned
dissolved like flesh
in mercury and your words,
you eat them
and you spit them out
because it hurts.

one night is all it takes
for you to become
that girl who sits
beside that boy
who longs forever.
and you smother your pillow because.
numbers. words.

and you hold back
from rubbing salt in your wounds
because words and
numbers no longer dictate you,
no sir, you're a woman
who needs no man.
but you stretch a horrid grin
as you say:
(not words, not numbers)


i woke up last night and i remembered these numbers and i missed him and you left out the part where you cried and cried until you gasped his name

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Sunday, October 20, 2013 10:14 PM back to top?
like a drum, baby don't stop beating

settle down, it'll all be clear
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

---

a good night, lads and gents! tomorrow i shall be leaving for Jakarta to receive a medal to honor my achievements (eaa). no i'm not a war hero, i'm just someone who made it to the top 1% of English ICAS test ;)

it's a darn shame that writing only gets me to Credit. if i had known it was narrative (for fuck's sake!) i would've been much more relaxed and told myself to be imaginative. instead i am stuck in "fight mode" in which i tend to analyze things critically and thus the wording of the whole writing is a bit odd for a narrative. i hate myself sometimes.

oh well. never mind the obvious facts. did i mention i love poetry now? sort of anyway, i fell in love with Crush by Richard Siken. I love the whole thing, really. it's so wonderful and enlightening to read.

you're in a car with a beautiful boy. and he won't tell you he loves you, but he loves you. and you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired.
you're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling. and he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for.

so good. i dreamed of a movie using this quote, it was gorgeously heartbreaking.

i'm getting sleepy, so consider this a quick update haha! talk to you later bloooog :P


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Thursday, November 22, 2012 8:14 PM back to top?
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