|
Just leave me your stardust
|
turn down the light
|
come on skinny love
|
It's almost like loving
|
All the time, darling now all the time
|
cold nostalgia chills me to the bones [pt. 1]
and i wish i could still wish it was over
---
yes this is not a fanfic. get a hold of yourself, people.
i. am. nostalgic. and depressing. and a thousand things more that is surely becoming more of a motive for me to shoot my head off. i don't know if i'm suicidal though.
it's february 2013, and i'm heading off to face my (currently) biggest obstacle in life. NATIONAL EXAMS. fuck it feels like ages ago i felt well and prepared for an exam. now i don't feel so sure anymore.
believe me, being in acceleration program has more cons than pros. for over-achievers and those who like to live in the moment, you'll hate it. immensely.
right now i'm trying to remember last summer, after listening to Jimmy Eat World's "23" playing on the TV and subsequently replaying Markuardo/Jewnicorn fanvids. i fell in love last summer.
last summer, i fell in love with the world. i fell in love with two people; one a selfish asshole, and the other a softhearted man, who hurt each other. i fell in love with their story, simultaneously i fell for how the world suddenly turns melancholy and sunny at the same time, and i was in love. i loved the world, i loved myself, i loved how happy i was despite the constant chill that came every time i thought of these two men.
i fell in love, and i fell out of love. i fell out of love with the person who has always been in my mind for three fucking years. and i blew it in a month. damn. i guess i liked the idea of him? or whatever. it didn't work out. but i was still happily loving the world and thanking God for everything.
until a few months ago, i fell in love for real. i fell, for someone who (imo) is perfect. he's like a step out of my crappy notes in textbooks, a living, breathing caricature of who i always wanted. witty, intelligent, caring. but at the last moment something made me open my eyes and see who he really is.
the thing that i'm trying to tell you is that i'm very moody, and thus my memory gets distorted by these godawful ~*~feelings~*~. well and i'm dramatic as well, pretending that my life is a book deserved to be read, or a movie deserving oscars and such. don't everyone wants that?
so the thing about love and life is, i want someone who loves me and my past and my future and me. i don't want to fall for someone of my imagination, no matter how tempting that is. i don't want to be disappointed, because reality has a knack of taking the rug from under your feet in a second, and that sort of thing hurts. you know why i'm keeping such thoughts like these permanent? so that when i finally found someone worthy, i can let them know about my secrets (even though it's only some) and my fears and perhaps let them inside just to give them a heads up of what it's gonna be like if they stayed for the long ride.
i'm not the kind to love-em-or-leave-em. but i'm also not the kind to propose the next person i'm in love with. it's.... complicated really. but basically, compared to fictional moments:
- i want that person to be like eames who knows how much i love them without me saying anything. and being a bloody brave sap for loving me for me.
- no i don't want us to be like dom and mal.
- i know i'm like mark, uncaring and selfish, but there's always a part of me who cares. i want that person to cherish whatever it is i'm giving them, as do i. but i don't want them to be as far too giving like wardo - i can't be that cruel.
- i wish that person would simply have unlimited amount of feelings, and is warmwarmwarm all the time because goddammit i want cuddles and silly grins. and dimples.
- and they'll also understand my need for privacy though always know when to pull me back up for some air.
little things like that. i just..........................................................
/brb too much feelings gotta puke/
Labels: angst, feelings, life, love, random, rant
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
6:31 PM
back to top?
|
|
and the moment hits me hard
now i find every subtle thing screams your name
it reminds me of places and times we shared
---
couldn't live, locked in these memories/now i'm chained to my thoughts again
lol sorry but i just had to continue that part up there because it's so sad. yeah i'm having a mental breakdown. how much has time passed really, i can't even keep track of it. last time i remembered it was 2010, and now we're heading to 2013 and was it really just last year when i joined a whole new world of high school? and the fact that i'm leaving for college next year really hits me hard.
i don't want to grow up out of these memories. i want to stay in this moment forever, feel like it's gonna last until the end. i want to remember the glory days, the good laughs and jokes between sunshine and rainy days, warm comfort shared between close friends and tight knit bonds. i want to feel this and be happy, not sad. i want to be happy.
i wish i could replay all those times, the good times i mean. it's much better than facing the cold truth of reality - that time always leave you behind. it's tons better than facing the grave, unknown future.
and i don't know which way to choose. by god, i do believe in myself, but sometimes there's that moment of doubt and a flash of thought that screams you're a fucking kid! kids don't make grown up decisions! and i just lose it. i can't see the lines between staying in the moment and looking up to what's coming; they're all blurry to me, and it's not because i have bad eyesight.
i want to be who i want to be. i want to not give a fuck to what people are saying. i want to grow into my own skin and be happy all by myself. i want to remember who i used to be without being all nostalgic and shit, because it's stupid to feel sad about who you were.
i want to be everything i'm not right now. i want to be everything i was.
and i want to have everything back. i want to have a free life back, i want to have my friends back, i want to have my thoughts back. it's stupid, really fucking stupid now that i think about it, but it's my simplest wish. i always feel like i'm wearing a mask, that i'm not who i am right now. that i'm blending in with the crowd just to gain their acceptance, which i had never felt the need for. i feel like a hypocrite - like betraying myself.
forgive my rant, but blog, this is what you're meant to be, an object to store my deepest and darkest feelings.
enough with the want. because after rereading some old entries of friends of mine, i just realized this:
you were the closest thing i have to a best friend.
now i don't even know if i can look you in the eye anymore.
this goes to you, if you know who you are. i miss what we used to be. i wish you'd come back and i could come back and we could be the way we were. it's pointless to miss someone who's always there, but i miss you. i truly do.
what hurts the most, ladies and gentlemen, is not the pain of unrequited love or death of a beloved. it's the pain of missing something that's right in front of you, and the hatred you feel for being a coward who's unable to face the truth.
i will end this now and i will shut up and continue my homework and listen to anberlin's retrace because i so fucking can.
Labels: l word, life, rant
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
7:00 PM
back to top?
|
|
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU DEANDAAAA (RIMA)
SHORT UPDATE AND IN ALL CAPS AND NO PROPER MARKS CAUSE IM FRUSTRATED WHILE WAITING FOR THIS PAGE TO LOAD.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI BBLOG DO YOU MISS ME I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
TODAY IS NO DAY BECAUSE TODAY WE DO NOTHING. AT ALL. LIKE, TOTALLY. CROSS MY HEART I'M NOT LYING. SO BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF FORESIGHT I DIDNT BRING MY LAPTOP. I BORROWED RIMA'S SO I COULD DO YOU (YEAAAAHHHH) BUT THE INTERNET IS SO FRICKING SLOW SO FORGIVE ME FOR BEING ALL CAPSY TODAY!
AND SHEPTY IS CURRENTLY HANGING ON ME LIKE A BABY. CUTE ONE THOUGH. DEANDA'S NOT CUTER HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
OKAY I AM NOT GUARANTEEING THAT EVERYTHING I WRITE HERE IS MINE. BECAUSE SOMEONE JUST HAD TO INTERRUPT AND CHANGE IT. HAR HAR HAR. I CAN ALWAYS EDIT IT WHEN I GET HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (JUST KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE CAUSE I'M GONNA MAKE THIS PLACE YOUR HOOOOOOOOMMMMEEE)
(ALL I WRITE IN ^ IS A LIE. DO NOT BELIEVE THAT)
AT LEAST THAT SOMEONE HAS THE DECENCY TO WRITE EXACTLY LIKE ME.
(I'M LYING AGAIN)
MOVING ON TO OTHER THINGS, TODAY IS FINAL TEST! FINAL TEST! FINAL TESSSSTTTT! AND NOW I REMEMBER WHY I DIDN'T BRING MY LAPTOP JUST NOW BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO USE MY TIME TO STUDYYYYYYYYYYY BUT I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
STARTING FROM TODAY, AND TUESDAY, IT'S BYE BYE EF. AND CHRIS. AND EVERYONE ELSE HAHAHAHAHA
SO MY TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. I WILL USE THAT TIME TO SLEEP AND MEET EDUARDO SAVERIN (NOT THAT I KNOW HIM, I WANT TO KNOW HIM BUT I DON'T)
MAYBE I SHOULD START STUDYING. ACTUALLY STUDYING. I'M A LAME STUDENT.
AND ALL THIS CAPS IS MAKING ME HYPED; NOT TO MENTION THE KEYBOARD IS SORT OF HARD TO WRITE ON BUT IT'LL PASS. SO THE ~ENERGY~ IS FROM ANGER AND FRUSTRATION OF WRITING.
SMASHSMASHSMASH KEYBOARD. SOMEONE WILL KILL ME IF I DO SO I DON'T ACTUALLY DO IT HAHA.
OKAY, RANT DONE. THIS CLASS IS TOO FUCKING HOT SOMETIMES.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!
Labels: random, rant, school
Thursday, November 8, 2012
9:29 AM
back to top?
|
|
It's a crash course love
oh say say say oh say say wait, they don't love you like i love you
---
In a few days I'll be leaving Palembang to head to Surabaya for the 2011 Science Camp.
/who the hell goes to a three-day Science Camp when they don't learn Science at all?/
And ohmyfuckinggod I think I'm feeling homesick already (even though I'm still in my room, MY ROOM). So yeah I'm being weird and sensitive and moody and so fucking emo I can't stand myself.
Like today, for instance, I read this fic where Tsuna goes all sad because his Guardians resumed their previous life (aka where Tsuna is not included) and I feel for Tsuna somehow, because I know the feeling of being used for something by someone and the pain of losing a 'friend'. So I was sooooo depressed and went, like 'You all gonna miss me if I die, right?' sort of stuff.
I hate being a girl. Really, I do. But I don't want to have an emotional streak like Gokudera either.
Why can't I just be Fran instead? He's a loner, who doesn't care if he's lonely, and sarcastic too. HELL YEAH.
So to sum this up, I'm leaving this post as my legacy in case something happens and I'm not coming back.
/Of course I don't want that to happen. M, if you're reading this DON'T COMMENT. I seriously don't want it to happen/
...I'll miss you all. I guess. Labels: life, rant, school
Saturday, January 8, 2011
9:41 PM
back to top?
|
|
Just a small rant for something I need to let out of my chest
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE NICE, OR AMAZING. YOUR LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM BOTHERS ME ALL THAT MUCH. AND YOU'RE SO FUCKING EMO SOMETIMES IT'S ANNOYING TO KNOW. WHAT THE HELL, IF I'M THE ONE WITH PROBLEMS YOU'D BE LIKE, 'oh really? that's so sad' WHILE IF IT'S YOUR PROBLEM, YOU'D GO WHINY AND I'D AT LEAST OFFER YOU SOME ADVICE.
FUCK THIS SHIT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DECIDED TO END ANY RELATIONS WITH ME. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW AN EGOISTICAL PERSON LIKE YOU. DON'T YOU KNOW I SYMPATHIZE MORE WITH YOUR EX-BFF BECAUSE FROM AN OUTSIDERS' VIEW IT SEEMED LIKE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEING A BITCH.
SHE SAYS SHE'S SORRY YOU FUCKING DEAF! YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW MUCH IT FUCKING HURTS TO BE LEFT BEHIND BY SOMEONE WHO MEANT THE WORLD TO YOU. I KNEW HOW IT FEELS, I KNOW IT HURTS, SO WHY YOU'RE BEING SO MEAN ABOUT IT? IF YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN TREATED THAT WAY EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, WHY DO YOU ACT SO HYPOCRITICAL?
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
AND I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY FAVORITE PAIRINGS. I LISTEN TO YOUR RANTS, AND YOU WON'T LISTEN TO MINE. YOU JUST COME TO ME FOR ADVICE AND STORIES, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. IT PISSES. ME. OFF. THAT YOU CONSIDER US BEST FRIENDS BECAUSE, HELLO, WE'RE NOT!
YOU CAN GO AND FEEL ALL SUPERIOR THAT YOU KNOW A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT 5927. WELL MISS-I-JOIN-THIS-FANDOM-BECAUSE-OF-THE-YAOI IT'S NOT EVEN MY MOST FAVORITE PAIRING. MY FAVE IS 1827 AND 2700, AND I BET YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLUE BECAUSE YOU BARELY NOTICE WHEN I TELL YOU ABOUT IT. YOU JUST RANT ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOUR FRIENDS ARE, AND YOU'RE JUST A FOLLOWER OF YOUR FRIENDS IDEAS.
SO WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE TSUNA? BECAUSE HE'S HOGGING UP HIBARI'S AND MUKURO'S ATTENTION, THEY SAY. WELL IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T LIKE TSUNA AS A CHARACTER. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY TSUNA SUCKS WITHOUT ANY LOGICAL REASON, BITCH. BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUKURO AND HIBARI ARE LIKE IN THE MANGA. YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO READ AND ENJOY THE WHOLE MANGA, NOT THE FANDOM.
YOU ONLY THINK THAT YOU, AND YOUR FUCKED UP FANFICTION GOD-AUTHORS ARE THE ONLY OPINIONS THAT MATTERS. WELL FUCK NO. GET A LIFE, SHITHEAD!
AND I HOPE YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE, BECAUSE FOR HELL'S SAKE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU IF YOU'RE STILL THE SAME YOU. Labels: rant
Friday, October 15, 2010
9:46 PM
back to top?
|
|
She lays her halo on the pillow
You are made of sugar, milk, and molasses So little darling you attract all the bees
--- Muahahahaha! Tomorrow is the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
*cue Apocalypse theme*
Yes, goodbye freedom. Goodbye Nabari no Ou - Raikou-san I'll miss yewwww!!! T.T - goodbye manga colouring, goodbye KHR, goodbye fanfiction wonderland...
AND GOODBYE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. HOTDAMN *slaps*
So yeah, I spent this morning trying to get the pace in the KHR game. I know, why would I, someone who majored Bleach and kicks ass at Godfather I + II, Scarface, and Godzilla: Monsters Unleashed would want to master a foolish game like that?
..it's not foolish. Say it again and I'll bite you to death.
So I tried out Yamamoto Takeshi first, versus Squalo. And won via time-up. I was like, dammit!arghghaghoagoroghregoeahgo. So I chose some other characters. And guess what;
I found my killer instincts in HDW!Tsuna <3
Considering that I'm the first one to try out the basic moves in the game, it's actually pretty stupid for me to get the hang of the game just now. I mean, for fuck's sake I've tried it two weeks ago! *facepalm*
Oh and can I say I'm addicted to 'Toxic Valentine'? Yeah thanks.
THE SONG ROCKS DUDE. AND SO OMFG - HOT. IT'S LIKE, SEX ON EARPHONES.
LOL JK. It's not that great, though it is great...
Do you know what fanmix included that song? Yes. A fanmix for Bianchi. FTW!
--
In other news, Anime News Network confirmed Nabari's ending in September! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
I shall grief for Raikou-san with my whole life. If there's only some way to bring him to life *sighs like a classic fangirl*
Yuhki Kamatani-sensei, I hope you will make a new manga, with a Shimizu Raikou lookalike (and preferably having some sort of relationship with a Shimizu Raimei and/or Rokujou Miharu lookalike XD)
(...scratch that. YUKIMI/RAIKOU FUCKING RULES!)
Haahhh, I'm getting so worked up over everything.. I guess I'll never get a rest won't I?
So this is the end for this week. Ciao bitches.
...........
..........................
............................................................................
WAIT!!! THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO SHOW YOU!
now I can die peacefully <333 (1827 PWNS!) Labels: 1827love, faaaabulous raikou, fanmix, fuck, khr, kyou-san, nabari no ou, pairings, pic, rant, school
Sunday, July 11, 2010
8:15 PM
back to top?
|
|
Blast Me Out of Space
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference...
---
DO YOU KNOW THAT I'M FAPPING OVER NABARI NOW?
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE OH-SO ~*~FABULOUS~*~ PLOT (OR RAIKOU-SAN x3)
Ohhh, the awesomeness of it all... The moe-ness of a Miharu Rokujo.. IT'S TRUE GAIS. GET OVER IT.
Really, the fandom really gets to me. And as you can see, I'm using their icons on this blog XDD
(Don't worry Near, I still love you no matter what <3)
I could rant a lot about the fandom, and why it managed to capture my attention and hold it. Amazing, isn't it?
But still, I'm a die hard DN fan, so there's no fucking way I'm leaving the bandwagon yet. That's why I'm still going to read my DN stories - even though MattNear is still underrated.
PS: I'm working on a fic, perhaps a bit of original work, but it's gonna be multi-chaptered! :D Labels: fandom, nabari no ou, rant
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
8:48 PM
back to top?
|
|
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
Quiet now, let the poison take Weren't we always the lost cause you make?
---
Gyah, I'm bawling and crying my eyes out because of this?! I'm such a sap sometimes.
And THIS QUOTE:
...His job wasn't to grieve a lover that would never come back.
His job was justice.
IS SO FUCKING WELL DONE. WELL DONE I'M FUCKING TELLING YOU.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH sad stories are sad.
It's a wonder why I never lost my love for Matt/Near, when I always talk about Near/Mello/Near fics more. I mean, the pair is hardly known in the fandom, unlike MN or MM (EW) or LL. And there's barely any fanarts or descent fanfics about them! Fuuuuuuuck.
The lack of fanmixes also contribute to my current anger towards the pair -.-
AND DN IS NOW GOING INDONESIA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
..can't wait to hear how Near sounds like *gushes*
----------
Enough of that stupid rant, let's get down to business.
So on Monday and Tuesday, we had a test from Central. Yeah, for PILOT INTERNATIONAL STANDARD SCHOOL (PISS). LOL.
Math was ah-mae-zing! I think I did well :D
But I don't really know about Science. The thing is, I was sick the night before the test. And finally slept at 2 AM, after trashing around like a goldfish out of water. Yeah, thank you my dear metabolism, I fucking hate you.
But the good thing was I had a bit delirious dream about convex lens, and it did came out in the test XD
Now I'm still going weak from all the headaches and fevers and coughing and OH-MY-EFFING GOD IS THAT AOI?!
TTYN, got something I have to chase XD Labels: rant
Thursday, May 27, 2010
10:05 PM
back to top?
|
|
DX
I am completely pissed off.
Thank you for ruining my so-so mood; now I'm completely, really, pissed off and don't you fucking dare push me around you fucking bitch. Don't try to sugar up to me you fucking dick, I hate your fucking guts already, and my fucking hands are itching to rip out your fucking head. Labels: fuck, rant
Saturday, May 15, 2010
4:41 PM
back to top?
|
|
You'll only fan the flames
I'll make the river run with pictures that I take As the dying sun spits color in its wake
---
WOOOO! I'm on a RenRuki spree! FUCK YEAH.
D'you know they're the cutest couple (looks only) that I've ever seen? Okay, maybe second best to my OTP, but they're my fave het pair. x3 Unless if you genderswitch Matt or Near... but it still doesn't count! NO FUCKING WAY DUDES. Because RenRuki is cannon in its own way XD
So I've been downloading doujinshis, browsing for pictures, not really reading fanfics because I'm bored of reading right now, and downloading their fst x3
Yeah, you can call me a RenRuki fan from now on :D
Not because I'm jumping on the Bleach wagon now, no... I just can't find any new MattNear stories out there. Hell, fanarts are rare nowadays. Most of the new fanfics about them are a tad trashy... and... FUCK I JUST FACEPALMED IN FUCKING PUBLIC.
The lack of updates in the community really makes me sad T.T Labels: bleach, otp, rant, renruki
Thursday, May 13, 2010
1:45 PM
back to top?
|
|
Secret
And I don't give a damn, what they say, what they think Think is you're the only that's on my mind I'll never ever let you leave me
---
Booyah! Watched two homonculus died today, so I'm feeling pretty mellow *no pun intended*
Sooo I've been busy with competitions, and currently behind on my studies. But what the hell, I need to get off some steam too y'know.
Recently, I failed at this writing contest. Ah what the heck, writer's block just got to me so many fucking times I can't even count. So ideas popped into my head, then disappeared as soon as I got on the computer. Fucking hell.
Buuuut, I've also been trying to work it off. Yesterday I finally checked out that 30kisses community on LJ and this morning I wrote a short drabble based upon one of its prompt. And yes, it's MN, whatcha gonna do about it?
"OOOOH FUCK YEAH WE'RE AWESOME" - a retarded version of Briggs' army when they finally took over Central.
LOL sorry. I just really, really like FMA Brotherhood these days. Dunno, just can't get it out of my head >.<
AND OH THE MUSIC IS SOOO CATCHY FUCK I'M GOING TO DIE/CRY/WAIL/RANT/BARK IN HAPPINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHSDHFOASHOFGSGHWOEGHWHGGRPRQ
I don't know if I should end this with a picture of Mello or not, but I think YES.
Okay I lied. There's Near too but Mello looks so moe! :3 Labels: fma brotherhood, random, rant
Sunday, May 9, 2010
9:10 PM
back to top?
|
|
Go Buy a Bouquet!
If you want roses, You can go buy a bouquet If that just won't cut it, Well what can I say?
---
ARRRGGHHH! RAR RAR RAR!
I'M GOING TO HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, SCHOOL HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Y'know, I can't believe the other kids will be back on Monday. Which means, BYAKUSHIN IS BACK!
... the necklace kinda breaks off... so now I'm using the L one. It's a shame they don't have Near :( And it's what you do
LOL sorry. I'm just liking this song so much.
So I just finished reading The Fortunate Pilgrim by my favorite fake!mafiaman, Mario Puzo. And it's awesome! No, really. It's like a true story, about Italian immigrants and their lives. Oh how I cried when the son, Vincenzo, died. And his half-sibling, Gino, kinda wept for him in his own way. Well he wept for their memories as children.. not exactly the kind of grief you'd expect, but, oh well.
And I think I just blew off my presentation >.<
IT'S NOT MY FAULT. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE LIBRARY, BUT I HAD SOME DEBT TO PAY!
Gosh, Mrs. Yeni is sooo going to kill me.
Aaaannndd, my legs hurt! And I don't know why! Fucking hell, it's christmas! LOL.
Well this entry's a filler anyway. Labels: life, rant, school
Saturday, April 17, 2010
11:24 PM
back to top?
|
|
Life and Death and Repose
You're overdoing it again. Stop. Just stop.
---
LOL. For once it's not a lyric or something like that.
That, is for Mashiro Moritaka. Tch, reading Bakuman again and I think I'm beginning to have some ideas for a fic on him. I'm at the part where he got hospitalized and the chief editor told him his manga, Detective Trap, will be on hiatus until he gets better.
Yesterday I went home early because of cramps~
HAHA, FUCKING CRAMPS, BEGONE!
...actually since I already took a 13hr sleep I feel a whole lot better today.
Yesterday was also the last day of school. We cleaned up the whole effing place. Not to mention the spiders.
And uh, I cried a lot. NO, I'M NOT A CRYBABY, I JUST REALLY, REALLY HATE SPIDERS OKAY? AND I'M ON THAT 'TIME OF THE MONTH'! GIVE ME A BREAK!
I really, really don't appreciate some students' reactions on knowing that fucking fact. Just because people has a weakness, it doesn't mean you have to take advantage of it.
If I'm not overly emotional I would've slapped them yesterday. Really, I hate people who'd try to make fun of me and then still talked shit about me behind their backs when I react to their taunts violently or emotionally.
So yeah, I remember a kid in my class (when I was in primary school) who tried to mess with me. She pulled a prank on me, I got angry, then she declares I'm a bitch.
Yes, ME. When she's the one who started the whole thing in the first place. Look, I'm not the one who's crossing her, she's the one who fucked with me. That's what she gets, and that's what you're gonna get if you try to cross me too.
I don't care if they intended to pull an innocent prank. But if it makes me uncomfortable, I don't give a shit. They're crossing with me, either on purpose or not I won't turn a blind eye on it.
Seriously, sometimes people just don't know how to appreciate others.
And that's why I don't give a fucking shit to anyone who doesn't deserve my respect. Labels: fuck, rant
Sunday, March 28, 2010
3:47 PM
back to top?
|
|
Exams, Yuri, and the Fucking Royal Pain
You don't have to pretend What's on your mind, tell me, I'll forgive you this time Maybe we're too old to do this anyway
---
FUCK YEAH MIDTERMS ARE OOOOOVVAAAHHH!!!!!!!
LOL leet speek.
Watching Bleach now. Can't wait to hear Renji's voice. Gosh, I hate Byakuya; he's just too damn quick. But tch, whatevs. I'm gonna chill for now.
Went looking for some K-On fics. For the first time I indulged in the sinful thing called 'yuri'. Well... you can't have a yaoi fic there, the characters are all girls. God how much I don't want to read it. It's so, ugh... I don't think I'm gonna read anymore yuri fics.
Buut, I'm still looking for more RenRuki fics. And MattNear.
Oh, and from now on I swore I would never accept fic requests from sis. Never. Well she did ripped off that NateAva drawing first...
And I'm so having a major rant! Can you believe the nerve of that SOB, telling everyone to do their tests on their own, while the royal bitch himself hid the book under his desk?
Yeah. Fucking hypocrite. Evil little bugger. I fucking hate you. No excuses.
Geez, I can't believe I actually thought I'd want to be friends with him.
And d'you know? When we worked together on a group drama, he told me he could do the text by himself. So he said something along the lines of 'I can do this, I'm fine. I don't need your help.' but then one day he just came up to me and said 'Dea, you're making the script'. And I was like WTF? He told everyone to come and practice but the royal pain himself didn't come! And when the teacher gave some critics to it, he turned to me and gave me that accusing look. OH SO IT'S MY FAULT NOW, YOU LAZY ASS? I DID THE SCRIPT, I DIRECT IT, YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY 'THANK YOU' BUT YOU BLAME ME.
BELIEVE ME, IF WE HAD LET HIM WRITE THE SCRIPT IT WOULD BE A MAJOR DISASTER. BECAUSE:
1. THE SCRIPT WOULDN'T BE FINISHED ON TIME. THEN HE'D CRY AND BLAME THE REST OF US AND SAID 'I'M BUSY, AND YOU GUYS WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING, AND I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON, WHAT WITH THE PESIRAH QUIZ AND EXAMS...'.
FYI, I'M FACING A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM THAN YOU, YOU CUNT. I HAD THAT QUIZ, I WAS STUDYING FOR MY EXAMS, I WAS FIGHTING WITH MY BFF, I MISSED TWO FUCKING UNIT QUIZZES AT EF, AND I WAS IN A VERY, VERY BAD MOOD BECAUSE OF THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. AND YOU THINK YOUR PROBLEMS ARE BIG? MORON, YOU'RE JUST LAZY.
2. THE SCRIPT WOULD BE TOTALLY FUCKING NONSENSICAL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE ACTUALLY READS THE STORY FIRST, BEFORE MAKING A TOTALLY STIFF DIALOGUE LIKE: 'Hello Mr. Subardjo, come in! Please sit down!' 'Thank you Mr. Soekarno, how are you?'
TCH. YEAH. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE HE COMPLETELY FAILED THAT BIOLOGY PRESENTATION. IT HAD MY GRADES TOO Y'KNOW! ...
Right now I'm thinking of when Akane will finished D.Nd: Infection. Labels: life, rant, school
Saturday, March 20, 2010
7:02 PM
back to top?
|
|
Believe
Sometimes I think you're the only thing I can believe in, Because you're the only thing I know will never leave
---
Guys, I have an announcement.
I think, I think...
ARRGGHH! I'm in love with another pairing!
NOOOO!!!
Major disaster alert!
...okay I've calmed down now. But d'you wanna know which one I like? Okay, it's from the fandom that's so similar to DN (what's with the shinigamis and stuff)...
IT'S FROM BLEACH OKAY. AND IT'S RENJI/RUKIA. HAPPY NOW?
ZOMG I finally have a hetero OTP. YAAAYYZZ.
Tch. Not like it matters anyway. I'm bored. So effing bored.
My dear muse is not here, nor will that muse speak a word to me. Geez, I think it's a total deja vu all over again. Y'know, like 7th grade, when I had a total fall out? But I think I'm taking it better now. Hell, I don't really care about anything anymore in this world. All I want is peace, music, and a whole lot of anime to watch!
I know, I sound like a total asshole. But, shit dude, I just don't care.
And anyways, I'm gonna be busy writing fics from now on. I wanna try writing RenRuki. And moar MattNear.
Oh don't worry, they always have a special place in my heart <3
And today I wrote a poem. About hands. But sis, and Nisa and uh, Dita, and Aldi, and Latifah and Meudy all said it was too, mature.
Here's the line (in INDONESIAN BTW)
Meraba-raba dalam gelap Tanganmu terasa hangat di atas kulitku
Well it's not my fault you guys are such pervs!
So I'm gonna change the whole verse into this:
Meraba-raba dalam gelap Hangat tanganmu menemukan diriku Kudekap jemarimu yang lembut lebih dekat ke hati Dengarkan gemuruh gelora jiwaku ini
S'yeah. I totally suck at poetry. But whatevs; at least I'm being creative now. Labels: bleach, rant, school
Saturday, March 13, 2010
7:58 PM
back to top?
|
|
A Kingdom Now Lost
Except that tiny bit, on how I just can't commit There is some truth in what you say
---
I think I have a new obsession right now.
Or obsession s.
I realize now I like to make FST of some couples that I adore (or just make a playlist of my current mood), and I like to watch anime on Animax more often, and I'm hooked on Kuroshitsuji. And Bleach. And Bakuman. (I wanna read Hetalia, but I didn't remember the last chapter I read)
ARRRGGGHHH!
I'm currently facing a possibility that the Pesirah quiz will come next week or the week after that. I hate quizes. Period.
And I'm still confused on which high school I'm gonna apply to. I really, really want to go to Xaverius 1, but parents keeps telling me to go to 17 JHS.
Fuck. If I go to Xaverius, then I'd meet more Chinese. And having to face the possibility of discrimination. And I hate something like that. I don't give a shit to all the Christianity stuff. Hell, even William's a Buddhist and he's fine with it.
If I go to 17 JHS, there'd be a lot of competitions. I like competitions. But the orientation period, IDK if I can handle it. As much as I love drowning myself in water (which I absolutely hate), I'm not a fan of physical stuff.
And do you know we're gonna have midterms two weeks from now? Yeah, it's fucking fantastic!
I just wanna sleep in sometimes, y'know, skip school and such. Like Ashirogi Muto.
...I finished GF II yesterday. Loads of fun, but I don't think I'd play it again like Godfather on Wii. The gaming experience, it's just a bit, stiff. I like it better when you can really punch a guy or shoot him wildly. S'yeah, I'm gonna keep waiting for the time EA announce they're developing a Wii version of it.
Oh hey, on that fanmix thingy, I made one for MN! Finally!
It's a bit crack intended though. So don't be surprised to find stupid songs that are too indirect or something like that.
I won't post the cover, since I only made one for it. *don't look at me like that, MattNear is still my OTP you know!*
And I really want to find a site with excellent Digimon fanarts -_- Labels: fanmix, life, random, rant, school
Sunday, February 28, 2010
6:43 PM
back to top?
|
|
Tch. Yeah right.
I'm in love with a girl I hate She enjoys pointing out every bad thing about me
---
Yeah! Update!
From now on I'll sneak in updates, but it'll be on Saturdays or Sundays.
So what's the news?
My current scores:
Geography: 90 Biology: 94 Physics: 94 History: 80 Indonesian: 95 Math: 72 Economy: 90 (if I'm not wrong, I kinda forgot the score..) English: 100 ICT: 90
... yeah I fail at Math.
Dunno, maybe because this GODDAMNED PESIRAH QUIZ IS FUCKING WITH MY MIND.
Seriously. I hate this shit. AND THE FUCKING QUIZ WILL BE HELD NEXT WEEK.
OH FUCKER.
GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
I TOTALLY HATE THIS.
*rants like Mero-chan does*
Ookay, I'm fine now. In other news:
I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE- (because there's no other word perfect to describe this)
-WITH SHEILA-NEECHAN'S STORIES.
IDK they're just.. pretty. And she likes my drabble! *rolls around in bed happily*
I want to be a great writer like her. She's so amazing. The words, it's just, perfect. I really got into the story, and feel the emotions and the feel of the story. LOL I can't even write to save my fucking ass.
I read so many fluffs today I could die T.T
But it's a good thing I'm still alive and doing well.
Tch, yeah. I'm having girly problems since yesterday (you know what I'm talking 'bout). So don't pretend you're surprised with my sup-po-sed bad-ass attitude.
Labels: life, rant, school, story
Friday, February 19, 2010
8:25 PM
back to top?
|
|
I'll Never Win
But if I'm too far gone I'll never win
---
UPDATE. ONE ONLY.
From now on will post a new post every three or two days. Because of my fucking schedule.
I am here to announce:
I am stressed. And half crazy.
Go lock me in some asylum or something.
Fuck. I wanna die or sleep all day instead.
Dunno why. It's not PMS that's for sure. I'm just being so over the top. As in, TOO emotional. As in:
If you try to use that tone when you're talking to me you're on my death list, capiche?
..that sort of stuff.
I am wrecked. I am overblown. I'm also fed up with the fucking common cold.
And I was LOL-ing at pics sis showed me yesterday.
And it's like,
Ease my loneliness.
loljk ease my horniness
And it's like WIN. TOTAL WIN. PWNS TOO.
AHH I LOVE BEING CRAZY.
Fuck. Hope I don't commit suicide for so many tests this week.
Labels: fuck, lol, rant
Friday, February 12, 2010
12:04 AM
back to top?
|
|
Dead On Arrival
No, it's not the last time, 'Cause I'd never say no to you This conversation's still dead on arrival
---
Yeah. Posting at 11 PM. Still hasn't have dinner yet. I'm hungry but I'm too lazy to get one.
Today was a half-shitted day. Because my head is aching and pounding and my nose is all wet and runny and my legs are aching and and my body's all scrunched up to a ball. Why? Oh a silly little thing called cold.
Just the day before (or the day after that), I read a fic about sick!Mello, and how he complains endlessly about his headache. I feel you man. At least you have someone to make you tea (SHIDOH).
After I went home, around 1 PM, called the store to tell I'm home, I changed and went to bed. BUT, that stupid fucking phone rings and I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP.
FUCKING TELEPHONE.
So rolling around in my bed, called Mom to tell her how shitty I feel then, and I tried to went back to sleep.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CAN'T REST MY EYES.
I could've sworn this was how Mello feels. And I still remember that line,
"This shit better pass soon."
LOVE IT.
I don't really feel bad anymore though. So yeah I could study for Physics exams tomorrow. This morning went to M's house and played GF II. And I found out he has the same bed as I do -_-
And he sleeps at the top, just like my sister. What the hell is up with younger siblings sleeping at the top bunk?
It's a load of fun. The game I mean. It's a shame they don't have it for Wii. By now I'd be cracking knuckles *chuckles evilly*
OH I ALSO WATCHED THOSE DEATH NOTE MOVIES!
I hate Near. In that L: Change the WorLd movie. He's so OOC..
I WANT MY NIA-TAN BACK.
I can't stand it! First he's from Thailand. Second he's black haired. Third, he's like, six years old during the 'first arc'. Fourth, that means NO MN LH RELATIONSHIP! Or M2N. Whatever.
ARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Right now I'm reading more fics about him, so I could forget that horrible, horrible Near. Oh Near, that movie has tarnished my view on your magnificent image.
And there's this girl that looks like MELLO. So I call him girl!Mello and during the movie I imagine her using Mello's voice and successfully restrained myself from laughing out loud. I hate that guy who played Imagay. He's just so fucking weird. VERY unlike Raito.
Though I love L. What's his name, Ken'ichi Matsuyama or something. Though he doesn't really look like L.
ARRGGHH IT'S GETTING LATE BYE GUYS. Labels: life, NIA-TAN, pissed off, rant
Sunday, February 7, 2010
11:50 PM
back to top?
|
|
Throwing the Fight
We're concentrating on falling apart We were contenders, now throwin' the fight I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe in us
---
Nayla Maurafa. February 4th 2010
Rest in peace my dear niece.
---
I didn't went to EF today. My cousin gave birth to a daughter who died as soon as she opened her eyes. So yeah, no EF.
Today's kinda boring. At PE we only took shots at basketball. I got 4. Not much, but it'll do.
I almost fell asleep during History.
English were boring. Matt was pretty exciting. I like Physics so far.
I wrote some crack!Shore/A for my sis. She loves it and now I'm waiting for a Matt/girl!Near pic. Though I doubt she's working on it.
I'm doing my Indonesian assignment and loving every minute of it. Because the book's just so radical and I like rad stuff :D
But Mom's being a bitch right now. Dunno why.
Annndd if mom's being a bitch, dad's happy! Isn't it great, I have such evil parents!
I'll just need to watch out if Saiko decides to get snappy.
NOW THAT IS WAR.
Labels: life, rant
Thursday, February 4, 2010
10:10 PM
back to top?
|
|
|
