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Just leave me your stardust
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turn down the light
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come on skinny love
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It's almost like loving
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All the time, darling now all the time
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cold nostalgia chills me to the bones [pt. 1]
and i wish i could still wish it was over
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yes this is not a fanfic. get a hold of yourself, people.
i. am. nostalgic. and depressing. and a thousand things more that is surely becoming more of a motive for me to shoot my head off. i don't know if i'm suicidal though.
it's february 2013, and i'm heading off to face my (currently) biggest obstacle in life. NATIONAL EXAMS. fuck it feels like ages ago i felt well and prepared for an exam. now i don't feel so sure anymore.
believe me, being in acceleration program has more cons than pros. for over-achievers and those who like to live in the moment, you'll hate it. immensely.
right now i'm trying to remember last summer, after listening to Jimmy Eat World's "23" playing on the TV and subsequently replaying Markuardo/Jewnicorn fanvids. i fell in love last summer.
last summer, i fell in love with the world. i fell in love with two people; one a selfish asshole, and the other a softhearted man, who hurt each other. i fell in love with their story, simultaneously i fell for how the world suddenly turns melancholy and sunny at the same time, and i was in love. i loved the world, i loved myself, i loved how happy i was despite the constant chill that came every time i thought of these two men.
i fell in love, and i fell out of love. i fell out of love with the person who has always been in my mind for three fucking years. and i blew it in a month. damn. i guess i liked the idea of him? or whatever. it didn't work out. but i was still happily loving the world and thanking God for everything.
until a few months ago, i fell in love for real. i fell, for someone who (imo) is perfect. he's like a step out of my crappy notes in textbooks, a living, breathing caricature of who i always wanted. witty, intelligent, caring. but at the last moment something made me open my eyes and see who he really is.
the thing that i'm trying to tell you is that i'm very moody, and thus my memory gets distorted by these godawful ~*~feelings~*~. well and i'm dramatic as well, pretending that my life is a book deserved to be read, or a movie deserving oscars and such. don't everyone wants that?
so the thing about love and life is, i want someone who loves me and my past and my future and me. i don't want to fall for someone of my imagination, no matter how tempting that is. i don't want to be disappointed, because reality has a knack of taking the rug from under your feet in a second, and that sort of thing hurts. you know why i'm keeping such thoughts like these permanent? so that when i finally found someone worthy, i can let them know about my secrets (even though it's only some) and my fears and perhaps let them inside just to give them a heads up of what it's gonna be like if they stayed for the long ride.
i'm not the kind to love-em-or-leave-em. but i'm also not the kind to propose the next person i'm in love with. it's.... complicated really. but basically, compared to fictional moments:
- i want that person to be like eames who knows how much i love them without me saying anything. and being a bloody brave sap for loving me for me.
- no i don't want us to be like dom and mal.
- i know i'm like mark, uncaring and selfish, but there's always a part of me who cares. i want that person to cherish whatever it is i'm giving them, as do i. but i don't want them to be as far too giving like wardo - i can't be that cruel.
- i wish that person would simply have unlimited amount of feelings, and is warmwarmwarm all the time because goddammit i want cuddles and silly grins. and dimples.
- and they'll also understand my need for privacy though always know when to pull me back up for some air.
little things like that. i just..........................................................
/brb too much feelings gotta puke/
Labels: angst, feelings, life, love, random, rant
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
6:31 PM
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THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU DEANDAAAA (RIMA)
SHORT UPDATE AND IN ALL CAPS AND NO PROPER MARKS CAUSE IM FRUSTRATED WHILE WAITING FOR THIS PAGE TO LOAD.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI BBLOG DO YOU MISS ME I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
TODAY IS NO DAY BECAUSE TODAY WE DO NOTHING. AT ALL. LIKE, TOTALLY. CROSS MY HEART I'M NOT LYING. SO BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF FORESIGHT I DIDNT BRING MY LAPTOP. I BORROWED RIMA'S SO I COULD DO YOU (YEAAAAHHHH) BUT THE INTERNET IS SO FRICKING SLOW SO FORGIVE ME FOR BEING ALL CAPSY TODAY!
AND SHEPTY IS CURRENTLY HANGING ON ME LIKE A BABY. CUTE ONE THOUGH. DEANDA'S NOT CUTER HAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
OKAY I AM NOT GUARANTEEING THAT EVERYTHING I WRITE HERE IS MINE. BECAUSE SOMEONE JUST HAD TO INTERRUPT AND CHANGE IT. HAR HAR HAR. I CAN ALWAYS EDIT IT WHEN I GET HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (JUST KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE CAUSE I'M GONNA MAKE THIS PLACE YOUR HOOOOOOOOMMMMEEE)
(ALL I WRITE IN ^ IS A LIE. DO NOT BELIEVE THAT)
AT LEAST THAT SOMEONE HAS THE DECENCY TO WRITE EXACTLY LIKE ME.
(I'M LYING AGAIN)
MOVING ON TO OTHER THINGS, TODAY IS FINAL TEST! FINAL TEST! FINAL TESSSSTTTT! AND NOW I REMEMBER WHY I DIDN'T BRING MY LAPTOP JUST NOW BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO USE MY TIME TO STUDYYYYYYYYYYY BUT I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
STARTING FROM TODAY, AND TUESDAY, IT'S BYE BYE EF. AND CHRIS. AND EVERYONE ELSE HAHAHAHAHA
SO MY TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. I WILL USE THAT TIME TO SLEEP AND MEET EDUARDO SAVERIN (NOT THAT I KNOW HIM, I WANT TO KNOW HIM BUT I DON'T)
MAYBE I SHOULD START STUDYING. ACTUALLY STUDYING. I'M A LAME STUDENT.
AND ALL THIS CAPS IS MAKING ME HYPED; NOT TO MENTION THE KEYBOARD IS SORT OF HARD TO WRITE ON BUT IT'LL PASS. SO THE ~ENERGY~ IS FROM ANGER AND FRUSTRATION OF WRITING.
SMASHSMASHSMASH KEYBOARD. SOMEONE WILL KILL ME IF I DO SO I DON'T ACTUALLY DO IT HAHA.
OKAY, RANT DONE. THIS CLASS IS TOO FUCKING HOT SOMETIMES.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!
Labels: random, rant, school
Thursday, November 8, 2012
9:29 AM
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Secret
And I don't give a damn, what they say, what they think Think is you're the only that's on my mind I'll never ever let you leave me
---
Booyah! Watched two homonculus died today, so I'm feeling pretty mellow *no pun intended*
Sooo I've been busy with competitions, and currently behind on my studies. But what the hell, I need to get off some steam too y'know.
Recently, I failed at this writing contest. Ah what the heck, writer's block just got to me so many fucking times I can't even count. So ideas popped into my head, then disappeared as soon as I got on the computer. Fucking hell.
Buuuut, I've also been trying to work it off. Yesterday I finally checked out that 30kisses community on LJ and this morning I wrote a short drabble based upon one of its prompt. And yes, it's MN, whatcha gonna do about it?
"OOOOH FUCK YEAH WE'RE AWESOME" - a retarded version of Briggs' army when they finally took over Central.
LOL sorry. I just really, really like FMA Brotherhood these days. Dunno, just can't get it out of my head >.<
AND OH THE MUSIC IS SOOO CATCHY FUCK I'M GOING TO DIE/CRY/WAIL/RANT/BARK IN HAPPINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
MUAHAHHAHAHAHSDHFOASHOFGSGHWOEGHWHGGRPRQ
I don't know if I should end this with a picture of Mello or not, but I think YES.
Okay I lied. There's Near too but Mello looks so moe! :3 Labels: fma brotherhood, random, rant
Sunday, May 9, 2010
9:10 PM
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Ahoy My Sweet!
I get lost, messed up, and bored if I'm alone too long I can't sleep without chattering when I'm not with someone Late last fall she ended it all and moved to who knows where Just like that, she vanished and packed and never even call
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Oh hi guys! How's it goin'?
I'm hyper, HYPER I SAY. Of course I am ;D
So yeah, last week's been hell with a little touch of heaven here and there..
So I won this competition, got closer to a lot of friends, and even seemingly has another BFF to add to the list :3
But I'm getting freaking annoyed; I'm getting a coooold!
Argh, this is so frustrating -_-
And sis keeps commenting on how I can't keep my hands off my phone now... Heh, like I'd care. It's fun talking to people that you really get along with.
Oh, and yesterday Husnul bought Bleach no. 20 and 21 for me, plus Kuroshitsuji volume 8~
Can I say that I'm even more ecstatic?
But tomorrow, it's gonna be major hell >,<
...yep. Major hell indeed. WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE A GUY FOR FUCK'S SAKES?
Being a girl is so, so.. difficult.
Yes, DIFFICULT. ALL I CAN DO IS OGLE OVER NEAR >:(
NOOOO, THE ONLY THING THAT SUCKS ASS IS THAT NEAR IS NOT ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEE
------
On another side note, I wrote this story for the Short Story Contest.. I think I'm gonna post it on my fic blog, how's that sound?
So, this'll be the main intro:
Title: Equivalent Trade Fandom: Mixed: Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist, The Quest Pairings/Characters: Nate, Mihael, Selim, The Gatekeeper, The Seal Keeper Genre: Fantasy/Family/Friendship Story Type: Multi-Chaptered Summary: When one believes that nothing's worth more than knowledge, his belief is tested when the only one he holds dear is dead as a result of a Rebound. Now he has to face the consequences, and try to find a way to bring him back.
How's that huh? Nice, isn't it? :D Labels: life, random, story
Monday, April 26, 2010
9:17 PM
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Ashtray Heart
Cenicero, mi cenicero! Mi corazón de cenicero
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Lovin' this song a lot right now. My head goes all 'cenicero, mi cenicero!' now. LOL. But I am a bit out of my head right now. Don't ask why. Don't.
Yesterday was the first day of schooooooool... And it's boring. Well, not really. But I had a lot to do yesterday. And it's boooooring!
But yesterday was also the beginning of a dream that plagued my sleep.
So in that dream I was like in a place, kind of Godfather II-ish with a mix of Kuroshitsuji feel. I remembered Bounts from Bleach, and the Noah's Ark carnival from Kuroshitsuji. The school has a new teacher, a foreign one. And apparently it's Bernie. She recognized me, I was happy.
Then somehow I remembered making a deal with someone, I don't remember. Then I was sent on a hit. From that point I don't know if I'm myself or not, because everything just went a bit AWOL.
So I used my alchemist skill (yeah, dreamed Fullmetal too) to lift the ground and make a barrier around the guy, before grabbing a lead pipe and cracking his head open with it. Then when I went out from the room, I saw someone familiar, but I don't really know who.
The next thing I know I was slammed to the wall, by a blond. I don't know who, but I think the blond's a dude. He growled at me and threatened to kill me. Then Sebastian came and stabbed him from behind, before setting his corpse on fire. In turn he pinned me again to the wall, and forced me to make a deal with him. Y'know, the same deal like he and Ciel made. He began smiling, showing his teeth and I felt like a great spirit energy from him that made me shiver, so I accepted his offer.
Then I was walking down the streets at night, the streets looking like the ones in Kuroshitsuji, when I knew Renji and Rukia were hiding around somewhere. Don't really care about them though. Then I find myself surrounded by bounts and Joker, Dagger, with Smile. They were angry at me for killing their friend.
They gave me time to prepare myself for an attack, but then Smile told me to run instead. So I ran. When I ran, I passed by some of the bounts but they didn't attack me, just made me feel bad. Apparently, the kid I killed was MATT. MAIL JEEVAS.
They said something like 'curse your soul, demon, Mail would be there to kill you in hell.'
Those words shook me inside, then I tripped and fell. Sebastian loomed over me, grinned like an evil child rapist, that somehow reminded me of Near's evil smile. Then it was all dark.
I found myself in a room, sitting, and apparently the darkness was caused by fingers shielding my eyes, (that reminded me of a similar scene in this story with Mello and Near, with Near closing his fingers around Mello's eyes, making day and night changes for the blond, and asking him if he understands why he's doing this. And Mello understands, and that's why he sacrificed his life to make sure that Near didn't get his name written on the Death Note) and those fingers were Near's. NEAR'S.
But he looks at me with sad eyes, then said something that I can't hear. After that I feel suffocated, my windpipes crushed by an unknown being. He just stares, then turned away. Then he closed my eyes and then I can hear him say 'You musn't see this' then I woke up.
YES I REALIZED NEAR JUST CAME WITHIN 10 FEET TO ME AND ACTUALLY TOUCHED ME. THANK YOU. Labels: random
Friday, April 9, 2010
10:52 PM
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Play Pretend
And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.
---
Yeah. In a very strange mood. Thanks to this fic. Absolute love. That was the first M2N fic I read, and since then I'm pretty much hooked on it. And I'm pretty much in love with the song.
S'yeah, got my report card. I did, very, very bad. Okay, not dropping from my usual constant, but the CIVICS. OH THE CIVICS. I GOT 75- HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT MOM'S GONNA KILL ME.
I haven't told them yet. Though I still have the first place, almost a tie with Aldi. Except for that 0.0n something difference.
..I'm looking for pictures with titles out of songs that holds my attention.
Seriously, remind me to try writing songs again. I really want to write something, anything.
Labels: random
Sunday, March 7, 2010
2:51 PM
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A Kingdom Now Lost
Except that tiny bit, on how I just can't commit There is some truth in what you say
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I think I have a new obsession right now.
Or obsession s.
I realize now I like to make FST of some couples that I adore (or just make a playlist of my current mood), and I like to watch anime on Animax more often, and I'm hooked on Kuroshitsuji. And Bleach. And Bakuman. (I wanna read Hetalia, but I didn't remember the last chapter I read)
ARRRGGGHHH!
I'm currently facing a possibility that the Pesirah quiz will come next week or the week after that. I hate quizes. Period.
And I'm still confused on which high school I'm gonna apply to. I really, really want to go to Xaverius 1, but parents keeps telling me to go to 17 JHS.
Fuck. If I go to Xaverius, then I'd meet more Chinese. And having to face the possibility of discrimination. And I hate something like that. I don't give a shit to all the Christianity stuff. Hell, even William's a Buddhist and he's fine with it.
If I go to 17 JHS, there'd be a lot of competitions. I like competitions. But the orientation period, IDK if I can handle it. As much as I love drowning myself in water (which I absolutely hate), I'm not a fan of physical stuff.
And do you know we're gonna have midterms two weeks from now? Yeah, it's fucking fantastic!
I just wanna sleep in sometimes, y'know, skip school and such. Like Ashirogi Muto.
...I finished GF II yesterday. Loads of fun, but I don't think I'd play it again like Godfather on Wii. The gaming experience, it's just a bit, stiff. I like it better when you can really punch a guy or shoot him wildly. S'yeah, I'm gonna keep waiting for the time EA announce they're developing a Wii version of it.
Oh hey, on that fanmix thingy, I made one for MN! Finally!
It's a bit crack intended though. So don't be surprised to find stupid songs that are too indirect or something like that.
I won't post the cover, since I only made one for it. *don't look at me like that, MattNear is still my OTP you know!*
And I really want to find a site with excellent Digimon fanarts -_- Labels: fanmix, life, random, rant, school
Sunday, February 28, 2010
6:43 PM
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How About a Phonecall Now?
Say something, finally we're alone All right, is there anyone out there at all?
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Goood afternoon guys!
I'm being hyper right now, thanks to my daily sugar fix (aka FLUFF)
Okay, this one is not fluffy or anything, but it's soo cute! I could die :O
Chibi!Near is pure awwness xD Even Matt and Mello agrees.
And today we wrapped up the SBI tests. IDK how I did, but I hope the results would be good.
And yesterday, it's Mattie's birthday. YES MAIL JEEVAS, I DID NOT FORGET YOU.
So how about we post some Matt love?
Okay, maybe just one. Because I really lack pictures in the Matt department and I don't want to run out of pics in case I have another picspam -_-
Oh hey, like the banner? It's girl!Near aka Nia and Mello. IDK the pics fine. But I kinda hate it.
I'm working on a banner for M's blog. But I can't find the perfect pic for it.
Now I have a lot of things on my to-do list: 1. GET OVER MY OBSESSION WITH NEAR. 2. Go banner crazy and make banners :D 3. Steal Get new earphones. 4. Learn to make some icons 5. Write more Shore/A stories (so I could get more MattNear love <3) 6. Pretend I don't know anyone named WILLIAM in EF. 7. For number 6, even if it kills me. 8. Go find more doujins! 9. Rant about why Matt/Mello sucks ass. 10. CAPSLOCK_DN!!!!
Yeah, I'm a busy person. I'm a future businessman, and this is a test! Labels: awwness, MATT, pic, random, school, story
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
3:28 PM
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Blur
I wouldn't say that you're boring But I would say that you're pathetic Shut up dear, put that mouth of yours to use We're not here to argue, but to say petty little confessions
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Yeahh, posting something here again. Seriously I can't get enough of blogging.
So today Mrs. Chris changed the seats in class. And now Rani and I are sitting in the back, at the corner. OH DEAR GOD HOW AM I GOING TO READDD?
And M is now sitting across the room. Heh, I can't rant about the gayness of some people anymore. Bye M. I promise I won't miss you. (...kidding.) IDK it kinda sucks sitting in the back. MOSTLY BECAUSE NOW I'M IN DIRECT CONTACT WITH THE SUN AND I HATE THE SUN.
Yes I'm weird like that. But honestly, I can't stand the light. Wait, the LIGHT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'm NEARLY feeling MELLOW. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
I think I'm gonna work on that cover for my playlist. Labels: life, lol, random, school
Saturday, January 30, 2010
4:54 PM
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The Best at What We Do
We are the best at what we do And these are the words you wish you wrote down This is the way you wish your voice sounds, Handsome and smart
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I don't feel really great today. IDK, this day sucks big time.
First, thank you legs, you have failed me.
Why? Because of you, I can't dance, or walk for that matter. So? I'm fucking tired. And? Oh just go to hell.
And now I'm thinking of a line in some story in where Matt checks out Near's legs. And he was like 'WTH, why am I checking out his legs?'. I think it's from Threshie's 'This is War'. I love that story, it's pure awesomeness. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff.
I read Eila-chan's post about MN haters. In where she fiercely shot back the arguments that stated 'MN suck! LLight rules fuck yea!'.
Honestly, even though the second arc of DN is pretty rushed, it has many things left open for interpretation. Not like the first arc, in where everything was timed. The second one has a huge time gap between them (2004-2009). And there are introduction to characters that we don't really know much about.
Like Mello and Near. We only know that they're opposites, both are L's successors, geniuses, are rivals, and Mello would always come second after Near. But we don't know about their past, do we? Maybe they could be friends, or at least on friendly terms. Maybe they didn't really hate each other. Who knows?
And L/Light is an interesting pairing. But I never feel any pull towards them, because it's just, yeah. Unexplainable.
Also, today I had a fight with T. Great. Whoopee. Lemme just cut the crap:
I HATE THIS DAY.
Period. Labels: death note, pairings, pissed off, random
Friday, January 29, 2010
6:25 PM
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GOODBYE AND FAREWELL
The blind lead the blind so why can't I find my way
This could be heaven but I don't know where I am
I am too scared to come out from behind here
My body is aching it feels like it's wearing me
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Dear Mello.
If you're gonna die don't pretend you're not working together with Near. Because you just did.
And I hope you burn in hell for dragging Matt with you. Although I'd pray for you if you were real
Love Sincerely,
D.
---
That would be my letter to Mello if he was real. But I know that he's not. And I know he would never see the sun again after today according to the Death Note Universe. He wouldn't get a chance to taste victory in seeing Light Imagay suffer. He wouldn't get a chance to feel how it's like to be L.
Dear, dear Mello: You're an idiot.
^colored by me
^again, colored by me
I love the song lyrics there.
^those two pics are girl!Near/Mello
THAT IS NOT A MM PIC
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Can you tell that I obviously lack - more like don't want to have any - Matt/Mello pictures? Yeah, I rule.
And yes. Goodbye boys. You had a great life.
Mello: Even though I'd prefer calling you pretty, you're still pretty tough. You're still an idiot on my list though; HOW CAN THAT BITCH TAKADA KILL YOU USING HER DEATH NOTE HIDDEN IN HER BRA?
Matt: ILY. No more explanation needed. If only you/Near is canon, I'd love you more. Seriously. You do remind me of Daredevil. Not just because DD's name is Matt Mordock. But because you're The Man Without Fear.
For Takada-sama: FUCK YOU. BURN IN HELL. YOU STUPID CUNT. NO, WHOOOOOOORRRREEEEE. WITH BIG BOOBS. LIGHT WON'T LOVE YOU. NEVER. NEVER!
Labels: death note, MATT, MELLO-CHAN, picspam, random
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
5:21 PM
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Your Last Day
These humans all suck, I'd rather be home feeling violent and lonely
I'm not trying to sound so insincere,
But the postcard that's taped to the freezer reads "Wish you were here"
How I wish I could disappear
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Three days before the showdown.
YES THE FINAL SHOWDOWN.
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Teru Mikami was supposed to go to the bank today. With Gevanni following. It's assumed he goes to the bank around this date. So when he goes to the bank again tomorrow, Gevanni's suspicion arose.
And in my fic, 'Twenty', on this day Matt and Near were supposed to say their goodbyes in SPK HQ.
And around midnight, Mello would write his letter, directed to Near and Shore (one for Matt, but he's not sure if they'd both survive).
Seriously. Tomorrow will be very depressing. For me at least. Nah, IDK. Maybe it'll just be the best day of my life.
I hope I can publish that part of Twenty on my LJ. Come on, everyone needs a dose of Matt/Near love, right? Okay, maybe not. Because I almost post it and I was such a coward I closed the tab -_-
BUT EVERYONE STILL NEEDS A DOSE OF MY OTP!
Besides those MM shippers must be crying because their so-called OTP are going to die tomorrow >:(
I think I should post a picspam. And yes I'm gonna do one, right now. But I'm not gonna post a lot, save it for tomorrow I guess.
Fanmix anyone?
HAPPY THOUGHTS. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.
This is oh-so bothersome.
BTW if you want to download that MN fanmix - Pretence, Glances, and Messed Up Chances - you can do so here.
Use the MegaUpload one, because SendSpace is such a bitch.
Seriously, CAN ANY OF YOU BUY ME THOSE DOUJINS BY TIROL? I WAAAAAAAAANNTT THEM.
So.
Fucking.
Much.
---
BTW did you hear? Someone broke up *gasps dramatically* at school. And someone *nudgenudge* hooked up :D
Seriously at school there's too much drama. My poor brain can't handle it.
Remind me to never go out with anyone at school. They're such freaks.
Labels: death note, fanmix, MATT, matt/near, MELLO-CHAN, picspam, random, rant
Monday, January 25, 2010
11:33 PM
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4 AM Lips
I hope to God I mean a little more
Than the sounds that escape your tired 4 AM lips
Oh how I wish I meant a little more
Than the symphony of heavy breathings and the friction of hips
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Uh huh. Edited some things to the template. Like it? Y/Y?
Got a lot of things to be said today.
First: Math = 80
Simple mistake though, no big. I'd do better next time.
Gee, since when am I this calm when I got an 80? LOL.
I remembered I got a 90 and I was like WTF? It's supposed to be 100!
But mom said don't be such a perfectionist so I calmed down. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while.
Second: M read that doujin scanned by Akane.
...that one. Yes.
And I'm pretty sure he freaked out about it.
OH THIS IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS.
I COULD DIE. SERIOUSLY.
I'M FUCKING SERIOUS HERE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Yeah. It made my day.
Third: The Perv List. Credits: M
You can see it here.
As you see, I'm number one there. Not because I'm a perv (which I'm not going to say anything on the subject) but perhaps because he thinks I know a lot of those stuff.
Next up is Reza, which I admit is kinda pervy. He used to tell me I'm flat chested and I told him he doesn't have any dick.
And I presume he's a teenage male prostitute at night.
Third is Tria. NO I'M OFFICIALLY NOT SAYING ANYTHING ON THE SUBJECT.
Fourth is MM himself. I don't blame him for thinking bad stuff. Words like blood makes me think of something. Bad. Evil. EWW. too many raep fics in my head
Fifth is Riyan. Last is Fachmi.
And the only one who has a straight mind is Abrar!
IDK why he didn't put any girls' name in that list. I mean, I'm a girl of course, but aside from me.
Honestly, Olive can be such a tease sometimes.
Fourth, The Family.
I FINISHED IT!!!
I love the ending, where the main character, Cesare Borgia was killed in his last battle. And his sister Lucrezia walks through Silverlake carrying his ashes. And the commoners referring her as 'the beautiful, merciful Duchess of Fererra'.
I like Jofre Borgia. He's just being loyal to himself, and his wife. But poor Sancia died.
And the words written by Carol Gino, the gf of Mario Puzo about the book really made me love the man's works even more.
He said he's interested in the Borgia family. And claimed Popes are the first Dons. And the family was the first true crime family.
Every time he gets stuck, he'd read more Borgia books and it gets him back to work.
Apparently, two weeks before his death he showed Carol the manuscript for the last chapter of 'The Family'. Carol, who thought it was the manuscript for 'Omerta' was touched by his actions. He said she could finish it. He taught her everything he knew.
For a man who wrote The Godfather without any real experience in the mafia, salutations to you old man.
--- Labels: lol, mario puzo. books, random
Friday, January 22, 2010
9:27 PM
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Burn Baby Burn
Feelings that I can't disguise
And never will be reconciled
Oh something inside has died
---
Today was fine. Yesterday I drew Niizuma Eiji! Y'know, from Bakuman. 'Cause he's awesome and I like awesome guys. I won't say no to pretty ones too.
And yesterday, I found some site called 'Husky' or something. It's right here.
Near's a girl. But somewhat slutty I guess. And Mello is wayy to seme! I don't really like man!Mello. I like the girly one :D
 Oh and I downloaded some MN fanmix yesterday too. See? Matt/Near doesn't have any fanmix of any sort :(
It's called 'Pretence, Glances, and Messed Up Chances'.
The cover's pretty, don't you think? I think the art's from Ai Love Love. Because she (?) draws Mello in that easily distinguished way.
The eyes. Look at the eyes first. Then the shape of the face, and the nose, and mouth. Lastly, the hair. Yes, people draws Mello hair differently too.
But Near... Many would draw him pantless (YES PANT-LESS) with his pj tops only. I think it's kinda funny. He truly looks like a kid that way xD
Do you know what I want to do right now? Practice guitar. Maybe some 'Bizarre Love Triangle' or 'Chasing Cars'? Just for future preparation :D
Oh and about that multi chaptered story I did for EF, I did a re-design of the outline, and instead of Natalie killing herself out of insanity - everything was just a dream.
The first part's the same. It begins when Matt found Mihael's body. Then he called Natalie. She fainted.
After the funeral, she saw Mihael. He swore he's gonna make her go through the same things he did. Unfortunately, things were made difficult for him because of Matt.
Four days after Nate and Matt went out, Matt dies in his sleep. Seeing the troubled look on his face Nate concludes Mihael killed him.
Then they got into a fight. Mihael explained why he committed suicide. It's because Nate exclaimed she truly hates Mihael. She said the rivalry came first. He shot back by saying the rivalry was because of them. So yeah, they both realized their lives actually revolved around each other.
Mihael apologized, and said he'd wait for her on the other side - the afterlife. When he reached out his hand to hold Nate's, she wakes up.
Apparently she was still unconscious when she fainted in Mihael's room. Matt was there, but he fell asleep. She wakes him up and glad it was all a dream.
After Matt left, and told her to get ready for the funeral, she still feels something was watching her. From afar of course.
Yeah. Long story short. IDK I think it's pretty exciting. Just as exciting as I got this pic:
Yes. That's M falling asleep in class :DDDD
Labels: death note, fanmix, MELLO-CHAN, mello/near, NIA-TAN, random, site, story
Thursday, January 21, 2010
5:45 PM
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Baby's Hellbent on Revenge
I want your ugly,
I want your disease
I want your everything as long as it's free
---
ARRGGGHHH!
Yes. ARRGGGHHH!
Again! ARRGGGHHH!
I hate this shit. So. Fucking. Much.
D'you know why?
Swimming. 2 PM on Friday. At BHL. Fucker.
I despised that place! Can't you do it somewhere else?
Like GG Clubhouse, where the fee is only Rp10,000?
Not five fucking thousand Rupiahs more expensive?
IDK I hate wasting money on things I don't like to do. And this is DO NOT WANT.
I repeat: DO NOT WANT.
Yes, I'm a cheapskate. Whatcha gonna do about it? Sue me? I own your sorry ass.
Why does things have to get worse?
---
In other news, there's um.. nothing.
I think there's something about my blog that I want to change. Later though. I'm having fuuuuuuuuunnn!
---
Oh and we had Physics today and Tria just messed up our group rep. NO THANKS TO YOU CHICO.
Ma'am Komala said this and he wrote that. And again. And again. And again.
Should I say again?
I'm not mad, it's just so fucking funny. I'm laughing my ass off as I write this shit.
I like seeing his 'omg-what-am-i-gonna-dooo' face :D
And he kept saying nonsense like blah blah blah. I won't tell because you'd all go all *dramatic gasp* and say 'i knew it!'.
The truth: IT'S NOT TRUE. DON'T BELIEVE WHAT MR. BIG NOSE HAS TO SAY. NEVER.
And I think M appreciates his new blogskin. Maybe. IDK he didn't really say it.
And Rani wants to make an LJ! YAAAAAAYYY! Another converter! *jumps up and down*
Believe me, we're gonna have so much fun... xD
Also, Putri now accepts Mello/Near. Or is that Near/Mello? Since we both agreed Mello should be the girl in the relationship. I think yes. I'm tired with people portraying Near as an uke just because he's small and fragile and weak and has a girly voice. Though I don't mind him as one, I just like it better when he's topping.
Seriously? My reason for doing so is because a fic I read. Called 'Dead or Alive' or something like that. Near's seme, and he kepts calling Mello 'beautiful, beautiful Mello', as if he was truly enchanted by the blond's beauty.
I always think of Mello as pretty. In some way, he is. Though with his scars he could no longer be called beautiful, but handsome instead.
Striking. Bold. Passion firing up in his cerulean eyes.
Yeah, I like to imagine Mello that way.
And Near, well he's Near. As I said in my previous entry; a silent man could not be taken as weak.
Take Michael Corleone for example. Previously he was known as the blacksheep in the family. An outsider, an innocent bystander or something like that.
But there's more than that facade of his. In the end they all fear the wartime hero.
I think it applies to Near, who in some ways are similar to Michael's character. I'm not going to explain more, I think you can read that entry for the explanation.
So yeah, he's weak physically. But mentally, he's stronger than most people. And with a smart brain like his he could use it to his own advantage.
He could even manipulate Mello to love him, then dump him just to mess with him.
I like seeing fics where Near was shown as a controlling little bitch. Of course he's seme though. It shows a side of his evil side. The side that's probably only shown in the manga/anime by his action of trying to bring Kira to justice, just because the great L died in his hands. A selfish reason, yes.
The world was in peace before Light died. After that it came back to normal. And the reason was two selfish boys, barely out of their teens who wants nothing more than capture Kira to avenge the death of their idol.
If you look closer, it means they're trying to show who's more powerful in this one. Raised as Wammy children, where competition was every where, they probably wants to be the best.
Second best just won't suffice. Mello clearly shows his dislike at being second best to Near, and now third because of Kira. Near only showed subtle signs of his childish attitude, not wanting to lose.
So beside L's death, the motive of their actions was to be the best.
In Death Note I always see the theme revolves around boredom (boredof playing cat and mouse, bored of waiting for the enemy to strike, bored because your rival was being such a push over and didn't give you any challenge) and power (Wammy's House, L and Light's mental combat, Mello's inferiority complex, his bold statement at Volume 7 Chapter 61, etc.) and justice (Kira's ideology, L's statement in the one-shot, Near's statement at Volume 12 Chapter 105).
Yeah, everything does play out perfectly in DN.
Back to the seme!Near problem, I also like adult!Nearxchild!Mello. Dunno, it's just cute I guess.
And I shall adore rubbersoul for writing fics about them *hearts overly*
Now I shall leave you with this:
THIS PIC = LOVE
Labels: death note, matt/near, mello/near, NIA-TAN, pairings, pic, pissed off, random, rant
Monday, January 18, 2010
6:48 PM
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Work is Done.
You're my number one.
You're my golden star.
---
Fuck yeah! After hours of working I finally edited my blog skin! Give me an applause (NOW)!
Started off from a pretty little skin. Then went off to another. I want one that has a lot of icons, so I edited it.
And fuck, it's hard work.
I did this, and did that. Until it looks perfect. It spanned at least from 2 PM until 6 PM. So that means... 4 hours. Yeah, I did this in 4 hours. Well I got the basics around that time already.
And the internet got all slow after that -_-
After I restarted my comp (at 8 PM), I managed to get back online.
This time, I re-edited the skin, AKA putting in icons and editing my cbox. Then it's done.
By that time, it's 9 PM already.
Then I spend another half hour working on M's blog. Which you can see here.
I only got stuck on the colors, which took me about ten minutes. And I uploaded some Al Pacino icons, which took me no more than eight minutes. And making the cbox = 15 minutes.
So yeah. It's hard work editing blogs you know. I'd take off my hat to those blogskin makers. It must've been hard work to do all that.
Labels: blog, random
Sunday, January 17, 2010
10:32 PM
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I Can't Keep This Up
Can't keep this up
Can't keep from drowning
Won't you hear my voice?
---
Yes. From now on, I'll wrote small stuff like that. Like it?
My muse is back bitches! Wrote a one-shot about Shore/A. Fluff. Pure fluff. The title's 'And We'll Sing it Back to You'. Okay I lied. Some H/C in the beginning. Read it at my fic blog dudes. It's not gonna get posted here.
In other news, I managed to swim without drowning this afternoon. Yes. I did.
I can barely breathe though, can't lift my neck higher to open my mouth. And every time I did water got in -_-
This is why I hate swimming. Useless.
Oh, and I read a B/Near fic. It's well written, I had to admit. And the song lyrics (LOVE STORY, DUDES!) kinda fits the story in some sick, twisted way. I mean, this is Beyond Birthday we're talking about!
It has some Near/Linda innit too. Y'know, some SCENES. She kept crying because Near doesn't like her like she loved him. Naww, poor girl. I don't mean that last part, I swear.
Right now I'm downloading Civil Wars from Marvel comics. Yeah, the storyline's used for Ultimate Alliance II, so that's why I'm downloading it rather than other series. The file's fucking huge, 190MB/part! And there's nine of 'em. Jeevas Christ!
I'd love to take a look at the others, but it's so many. I wanna read some Daredevil action for once. HAHA MATT.
Other stuff to do is: FILTER PICTURES!
Yes, I got so many YAOI shounen-ai pics in my comp I gotta separate the racy ones to the tamer ones. I mean, who'd guess Near could be such a manipulating bitch? And the victim was Mello? NEAR/MELLO FTFW!
So yeah, I had to admit people like to draw Near like a hot, pantless, girly bastard. I'd rather have Mello for that one thank you very much. Because I just love seme!Near *giddy*
Y'know that I love the DN fandom so much that I'm willing to accept unusual pairings there. Not like Digimon though. I loath Taichi/Yamato with a passion. But Jenrya/Takato could actually be fluffy. Still, Henrika = LOVE.
... I wanna write Bakuman inspired fics.
I have NO IDEA on what to write now. So probably I'll leave you with this:
Yeah. Near and his duckies <3
Labels: bakuman, death note, marvel, mello/near, NIA-TAN, pairings, pic, random, rant, story
Friday, January 15, 2010
10:40 PM
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Story Time!
Updated several new story on my other blog. But it's all Death Note fanfics though.
Warning: If you don't like any of these pairings then get off. One of the reasons I pair them is because they're just too good to be true; as in if in real life, these pairings would actually be a hetero one. That's why I like genderswitch fics :D
Don't have an idea what I'm talking about?
Geez, you guys are pretty dumb sometimes. It's a slash. Romance between people of the same sex. Don't like it? Then leave.
You still don't get it?
In Indonesian: Ini bukan pasangan biasa. Tapi YAOI. Kagak tau? Google dong!
Tapi ini bukan berarti aku suka sama cewek -_-" Kalau gitu-gituan di dunia nyata sih jijik aku.
Here ya go:
Million Reasons Why
Pairing: Matt/Near
Summary: Matt never understands why Mello kept saying he and Near would never work out.
Genre: Fluff
Rating: K+
Kings and Queens
Pairing: None, really. Perhaps one sided Mello/Near
Summary: In his dreams, he could be anything he wants.
Genre: Friendship. With a hint of fantasy.
Rating: K
AN: Written while listening to 'Kings and Queens' by 30 Seconds to Mars, hence the title.
A Reason Why
Pairing: Matt/Near
Summary: Everything happens for a reason. So why did he stay?
Genre: Friendship.
Rating: K+
Mau tahu kenapa aku bisa suka sama pairing ginian?
Karena karakternya tidak nyata, dan sangat tidak mungkin ada. Meskipun Oba dan Obata berhasil membuatnya sedemikian rupa sehingga karakter di atas terasa nyata, namun mereka tidak nyata. Terlalu baik untuk terjadi.
Lagipula kalau beneran ada orang yang sifatnya lumayan mirip sama mereka, dan kebetulan jadian juga, aku yakin pasangannya pasti hetero.
Kalau Matt/Near, tebakan aku si cewek mirip Matt. Berani, malas, full of life gitu. Biar si cowoknya kayak Near yang tenang dan dingin aja. Jadinya saling nge-balance satu sama lain.
Kalau Mello/Near, ceweknya si Mello. Jangan marah Mello- chan! Kan memang, dari sifatnya aja kayak cewek, over-emotional, over-dramatic. Tapi dengan motivasi ingin maju yang sangat besar itu semakin menambah poin ke arah femininnya. Sekali lagi Near yang jadi cowok.
Nah, dengan alasan seperti itu makanya aku kadang-kadang lebih senang genderswitch fics. Tahu kan, cerita yang di mana karakternya yang cowok jadi cewek yang cewek jadi cowok? Aku ingat dulu waktu main Sims 2 ada yang nekat gender switch semua penghuni neighborhoodnya. Serius. Keren banget.
Dan...kenapa Near yang jadi cowoknya? Padahal dia yang paling muda?Karena Near memberi vibe 'cool headed, surprisingly violent and evil' gitu, agak mirip Michael Corleone. Dan karena Michael memang hebat, jadi yah, Near aku anggap kayak Mike.
Haha! Mello mirip Santino Corleone :p
Tapi Matt mati seperti Sonny: ditembak habis-habisan pas naik mobil. Kebut-kebutan juga. Di jalan juga.
Walah, kebetulan banget bo!
I'll leave you with a pic of the three L successor, mkay?
MATT!
Mello
NEAR
(Yes, I do like him wearing Mello's clothes)
... yes. That's Bill Kaulitz everyone xD
Labels: bill kaulitz, death note, picspam, random, story
Saturday, January 2, 2010
12:28 AM
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Tired. So Fucking Tired...
Yeah, title says all.
I've spent the day working on the class blog. And phew, it was a lot of hard work!
I spent about two hours finding the perfect skin, then another hour setting the shit up (aka filtering the perfect skin), then about thirty minutes making the cbox. The worst part? Choosing the icons. Yeah, I'm obsessed with icons. So I kept changing this, and that. Then voila! The blog is done.
But then, sis said "the layout's crap." then I go into panic mode *gasps dramatically*
So I spent three hours, trying to find a background for that thing, searching it from screencaps of my pictures.
But nooo, it just had to look like shit, doesn't it? So I spent another four hours searching in LJ. Then I go on a texture downloading spree. Then another one hours uploading it to my PB account, then fuck yeah babes, it's ready to go!
But then I kept changing the backgrounds because it made the blog looked stupid. That takes one hour.
So from 12 PM to 9 PM I spent my whole day in front of this damned laptop. Good thing I got a doze of painkillers aka those angsty fics :DD
But I haven't got my sugar fix (MY OTP) so HELP!
Seriously, there needs to be more fluff written!
... Yeah. I'm a sucker for romance stories. Especially those involving rains, thunderstorms, fireworks, paintings/drawings, long city drives, nighttime, sunsets, stargazing (six feet under the stars ftw!), love/hate relationships (aka MN *snickers*), opposites attract theory, songs (Chasing Cars is an absolute love of mine), goodbyes, childish crushes and denials, games, fairytale syndrome, and etc. Seriously, I'm such a dork sometimes it's not funny.
And I just noticed I used 'seriously' two times in a row! Someone call the doctors!
No, I'm kidding! Silly you-who-are-reading-this-shit-and-obviously-not-enjoying-anything-and-probably-doesn't-understand-my-jokes-and-possibly-everything-written-here!
And... I watched Tokio Hotel's new video for 'World Behind My Wall'. Seriously, Bill Kaulitz just gotten prettier than ever. Yes, I used prettier instead of cuter or more handsome; this is because I'm infected by the Mello Syndrome aka calling guys who look like girls pretty and feel attracted to them.
If I had to choose who I'd pick as my new obsession (REAL LIFE, YOUR HIGHNESS. REAL LIFE. NOT THOSE MANGA CHARACTERS OR SIMS PEOPLE OR MATT MORDOCK), I would choose Bill. Or maybe Adam Gontier.
Did I mention I'm now infatuated with Daredevil? Y'know, the superhero from Marvel comics. The one with red costume and nicknamed 'Man Without Fear'? The one whose buddy buddy with Spiderman? The one whose name is Matt Mordock? Matt Mordock?
MATT?!
MATT?!
Matt?!
MAAAATTTT!!!!
*faints*
*your highness, are you - oh my fucking god! someone get a doctor here!*
Labels: daredevil, MATT, MELLO-CHAN, NIA-TAN, random, rant
Friday, January 1, 2010
9:29 PM
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